st

It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone, the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t come back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain.

Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I’ve been there, and you have, too. You’re nodding your head.

I don’t want people to matter to me too much. Sometimes it hurts too much to think about them. Ones you love who don’t love you, ones who are dead or hate you, ones who you think about but never get to be with. I like people but when I get too close, it fucks me up and I can’t get things done.

I want a soul mate who can
sit me down, shut me up,
tell me ten things I don’t already know,
and make me laugh.
I don’t care what you look like,
just turn me on.
And if you can do that,
I will follow you on
bloody stumps
through the
snow.
I will nibble
your mukluks with
my own teeth. I will do your windows.
I will care about your feelings.
Just have something in there.